parkrun Wanaka

First parkrun in three years

"Don't forget your barcode" is often touted as the most important thing to remember for parkrun. In New Zealand, I'd say there is an even more important bit of info to keep top of mind. "The run starts at 8 am, not 9 am". No point turning up to a parkrun when everyone has been and gone.

It's been some time since I did a parkrun, I've directed my local one a few times in the last few years, but it may well be three years since I last did one. I can't remember the ethos of the whole thing. I recall something about a free, timed community event about inclusion and getting people into physical activity. Then I recall something about identifying someone you must beat at all costs because you don't like the look of their t-shirt, and your whole weekend hinges upon whether you can beat this absolute wanker who you only set eyes on 2 seconds ago.

I'll look on the website later to see which one it is.

Wanaka parkrun was a 4-mile jog from where I am staying, so about 20 times as far as the one i have at home, which I've not done for three years.

I got into the car park near the start; I didn't know exactly where the start was, so I asked a lady clad in lycra where the start was, "parkrun? never heard of it, sorry", and then another ", Sorry, I don't know where that is"

This country…. everyone is always dressed for sport 24/7.

A couple of tourist-looking people then swooped around and said, "We are doing parkrun! We think it's this way" Excellent. The lycra ladies disappeared into the distance, presumably on some walk/kayak/surf/ski/heli-scuba expedition.

If you don't know much about Wanaka, it's like the Lake District, except if you made the hills all twice as tall, and the rain almost never happens. This run was on a "flat bit" of Wanaka, by the lake.

https://strava.app.link/L9V2kDeNzwb

A guy in an arm sling! FFS I've got to beat him!

I entered this little park area and saw a bunch of people either standing still or jogging about. Not one person was doing any stretching. F**K, these are pros! I might be last.

The run director went through the usual stuff of sharing the path, remembering your barcode, and if you encounter a mammal (such as a hedgehog or rabbit), then do the decent thing and kick its face off. Mammals are not welcome in New Zealand.

There was the part where he asked if anyone was from out of town. This was my time to shine! I am from the other side of the world! I said "England" and then with the Aussieshire intonation of ending sentences like a question, I said "Bedford?". I can't expect anyone in NZ to know where Bedford is. No one in England knows where it is either.

But some guy put his hand up and said he was from the Cayman Islands, which got the biggest cheer of all.

Twat.

Off we went, 8 am sharp, not 8 am "Wanaka time", which is about 10.12. I started at the back as I just wanted that satisfaction of overtaking people.

There were the usual parkrun spotter’s badge all-stars out today. A man looking confused from his garden as a bunch of runners jogged past for the3 210th week in a row.

Then there was the lady walking her dog with a 40ft dog lead and a dog that wanted to be on the other side of the path from her. And, of course, the "IT'S MY RIGHT TO WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS PUBLIC FOOTPATH ON A SATURDAY MORNING AT 8.05 AM" Wanker.

I am horrendously unfit right now, to the extent that an 8-minute mile is as rare as a Jamie Vardy shot on target, but I managed to keep the average under 8 for the whole thing, though I was a NOT START MY WATCH TILL I PASSED THE START LINE WANKER so wasn't sure whether I made it.

I finished in just under 25 mins, tempo for me nowadays. I very nearly became a NOT HAND OVER YOUR BARCODE WANKER.

This was glorious, though. And on the slow walk back to the place I was staying, I managed to get a couple of 4 shot coffees and a pork belly pie. And it wasn't even 9 am yet. I wish it could be 8am in the UK too.